Is it important to talk about depression?

Depression is a part of my life.

What exactly is depression? Can I influence it?

This is also a big taboo topic for me personally. I don't like to admit depression to myself, it's even harder to admit it to my husband and I try not to admit it to those around me at all. When it gets stronger and I never know how long it will last, I close myself off from the world.

Depression has been a part of me since I can remember, and there were periods when I was able to banish it more easily, focus on something motivating, which would excite me, and then there were more difficult periods, when a combination of events and circumstances overwhelmed me with anxiety.

In the last year, these conditions caused me insomnia, and yet I did not seek professional help. I still trust myself that I can overcome it on my own, that I am strong enough to fight anxiety and continue to underestimate it impact on the quality of life.

It helped me to start talking about it with a few friends. It is more difficult to explain when they themselves do not quite know the feelings during deep depression. At least for me, it's like a feeling that could be compared to trying to get out of a cave several kilometers below the surface of the earth, but you get stuck in a narrow crevice and no matter how hard you try to get out, you can't. You feel pressure on your chest, it becomes difficult to breathe, the flashlight runs out and you start to blame yourself for going alone at your own risk and having no way to call for help. Night is coming, and even the light that came through a hole in the distance during the day will no longer be your hope for deliverance. Your strength is leaving you, you lost your motivation a long time ago and you have no hope that any future awaits you.

Photography helps me. When I can't see a thousand wonderful little things in the world with my own eyes, I take my camera and try to capture them and then look for them. But if I'm already deep in my cave, it takes me some time to free myself so I can pick up a camera and go looking for beauty in the world that kicks me.

So don't hesitate to talk to someone from your friends or family about what you're going through. It's a dark place and even if you don't want to be with anyone and long to be alone, you need someone to give you a helping hand and step by step help you get back to the light again.